Stressed & unhappy (can't think of a catchy title so there it is...)

image via weheartit.com

I've addressed this before but I just feel like I need to put it out there again, so that hopefully I can look back on it in future and see some progress.

This week has been pretty tough for me and I've been dealing with some emotional issues, and I'm not quite sure of the best way to overcome them. One of the main things I've been dealing with is an insane bout of jealousy. This in turn made me feel stupid, small, petty, childish and downright horrible. I sought advice from soneone online who I follow (I'd never broach this with one of my real life friends), and the advice they gave me was pretty much exactly what I knew in my head but I just don't know how to translate it into that gut feeling. Thankfully I'm not feeling jealous anymore, but just really sad and mean and unhappy.

Something I think it's all stemmed from is I still don't feel this huge improvement that everyone who loses weight seems to rave about - "I feel so much better!", "I look so much better!", "I have so much more confidence!", "I am so much happier with myself now!" - I don't feel any of this and I so wish that I did.

I still feel fat. Well, I still AM fat, but I still feel as fat as I ever did. In my head I know it's not true because my clothes are getting too big, I'm buying smaller sizes and the numbers on the scale are going down, but I still feel fat.

I still feel ugly. One of the main reasons I never bothered to lose weight was because I'd still have the same face. I hate the fact I feel like this. It's stupid. I'm in my 30s and I should be over this ridiculous teenage angst. What's making it worse just now is my hair is stressing me out. It's recently been thinning (I say recently, its been years, but my Dr can't find any reasons why) and it looks horrible. But again, it's not the end of the world and I just need to fricking get over it.

I still don't feel fit. I know I am a lot fitter than I was. Not at the top of my fitness but probably the fittest I've ever been in my life and I'm planning on keeping this up and improving it, but like I said I still don't feel fit.

These are all the stupid issues that have been dogging me this week. I am hoping it's maybe just a hormonal thing thats making them worse, but they're always there, in the back of my mind, taunting me.

If anyone has any advice on how to get over self image issues I'd love to hear them. And I hope I look back on this soon as see how far I've come.

Quick update...

Another 1.5lb off this week (on Sat), which I was really pleased with. I have definitely turned a corner now I feel and I'm so happy to be back on track.

I don't expect such a good result this week - it's been a bit of a mare. Multiple eating out and trying to make the right choices but it's hard when you're a) as fussy as me and b) have such a shitty selection of healthy foods locally. I've also missed the gym a couple of times due to appointments (dentist etc).

On a more positive note, I had a breakthrough in the gym this week. I am still going to spin class but I find it so hard to keep standing up. I can only manage maybe 30 seconds max. I never found it comfortable - I'd either find it really painful in my thighs and couldn't push through, or it would hurt my calves or my ankles. I did stand up but just couldn't push through.

Well this week I had an absolutely shit day at work and felt miserable. I just wanted to come home and hibernate. I also felt really icky. Really nauseous and dizzy and just not 100%. I wasn't going to go. Right up til five minutes before I had to leave I wasn't going, but I did. Even when I got up there I thought "oh I could just go home before class starts" but I didn't - I went to class and ten minutes into it something unexpected happened - I felt amazing! I couldn't believe it. I had so much energy, all the sickness and dizziness just disappeared. I pedalled by little heart out! And then when it came to standing up, I did the whole time for two whole songs. I've never even been close to that before. I didn't manage the whole way through all of the standing up parts, but I stood up on all of them and I managed the whole time and the two longest parts.

One of the songs is super cheesy, I can't even remember the words but it's one of these 'reach for the top, keep going, don't give up' kinda dance numbers and I normally laugh (internally!) at it but I fully embraced the cheesiness this time! I reached for the top! I kept going! I didn't give up! I really couldn't believe I'd managed it, and I didn't even really struggle. It was hard but I didn't struggle or feel like sitting down, I just wanted to keep going. I had to hold back the tears, because (I've never said this before) I was so proud of myself. It was such a great moment and I'd say one of the key experiences I've had so far on my weight loss journey. Now I just need to keep it up!

<3

Sad face :(

Okay, so it's only Monday teatime and I'm already pissed off with ProPoints. Bearing in mind I don't point on a Saturday that means 1.5 days of the plan and I'm already pissed off with it.

Seriously, I AM HUNGRY. I was never hungry on the Discover plan. I am so far finding it a nightmare to follow. Yesterday I used 8pp of my weekly allowance, and I wouldn't say I ate any more than I do on a normal Sunday (I generally don't eat much on a Sunday between getting up late and then being really busy) and I was still hungry when I went to bed.

Today I had 2 cereal bars, 2 coffees, a small lentil soup and a white roll with crisps and I only have 8pp left for dinner. And let's face it, 8pp gets you sweet FA.

I'm going to try it for the rest of the week to see how I get on, but I can seriously see me going back to the Discover plan.

:(

Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

So when I went along to my meeting on Saturday, I got my fancy schmancy new ProPoints book. According to the Leader "everything" we need to know would be in the book and she even brought in a days worth of her food (it was gross, it had been sitting all week!) to show just how much you can eat in a day. I planned to sit down and go through all the stuff on Saturday so that when I went shopping on Sunday I could have pre-planned all my meals so that I knew where I was at. I had a terrible week last week and I am blaming it on how I was stupidly feeling about the new plan. Scared it wouldn't work so sabotaging myself. Anyway, it didn't quite work out like that.

I did have a quick read of the stuff on Saturday. None of the science behind it, but the general info about foodstuffs and what the points allowances were. You basically now are allocated a daily and a weekly points allowance. My daily allowance is 29 and my weekly is 49 (everyone's weekly allowance is the same). You can no longer "save" points for treats etc, that's what your weekly allowance is for. The points value of all foods have changed - mostly increased. Fruit is now zero points, but other things, such as baked potatoes have leaped (10-14 points without filling I've heard - glad I don't bother with them!). I also know one of my staples (and yes this is probably why now they're trying to promote healthy eating) Weight Watchers oven chips have leapt from 4pts for 240g to 12pts!

First of all, I am on the minimum daily allowance of 29. Now, being that I haven't read the "science" behind it, it may well be explained in there, but my first impression is "I have at least three stone still to lose, possibly five, so how can I possibly be on the lowest points allowance?". Straight off the bat - without having to read any "science" - on the old plan I could see that as I lost weight, my points allowance reduced therefore allowing me to continue to lose weight at a healthy rate. I cannot see how I can have the same points allowance as some 8 stone chick looking to lose a bit of weight for Christmas / Wedding / Holidays. BUT like I say, I've not read the whole science shit so it might well be explained in there.


Secondly all over the website people are complaining about not being able to eat their 29 points a day. I don't think I'm going to have that issue. Today I had toast and coffee for breakfast, soup and a roll for lunch, a packet of crisps and a coffee for a snack and a small tin of Mac cheese with toast for dinner and I'm over points already. On the Discover plan I can guarantee I'd have had points left over on that.

Thirdly there doesn't seem to be much hard and fast information available - apparently food stuffs are still wrong on the tracker and on the website some people are saying you should be eating all of your daily points, and whatever you want of your weekly, some people are saying you should eat most of your daily points and some of your weekly and others are saying you should eat all of your daily points and all of your weekly! WTF Weight Watchers, get some frickin' FAQs up on your site!

Like I say, I planned to plan out my meals for the week and stick to them as best I could however on Sunday I was ill so I didn't get to the supermarket and had to rely on my fiance to get my food in. My head was all over the place so I just told him to get some of my old Discover Plan staples so I'm just having to muddle through as best I can.

Overall my first impressions of the plan aren't favourable, but I really want to like it. I like that they're trying to encourage you to choose foods that are good for you rather than foods that are convenient / low points, however I do think they will lose people in their droves. It's much harder now to pick up something in the supermarket and know whether its going to be something you'd want to include in your diet - on the Discover plan you knew if something was high in calories and/or high in sat fats it would also be high in points. Hell, sometimes from experience you could guess the points! There ain't no chance of that with their carb/fibre/fat/protein combo!

I don't think this week will go particularly well for me, due to the lack of planning but I'm not going to give up on it right away. I will give it a week or two, although I was really hoping to be in the 10s by 1st January although that looks hugely unlikely now.

WI and Pro-Points

I weighed in this Saturday and lost 2lbs! Woo! I am now on track for both online challenges I joined via the WW website - Christmas Challenge (lose at least 1lb a week in the 15 weeks running up to Christmas) and 12 for 12 (again, lose at least 1lb a week in the 12 weeks running up to Christmas). I was behind in both of these due to small loses or STS but now I am back on track, yeah!

Only 3.5lb to go til I hit my next big milestone - 3st off. I was hoping to do this in the next 2 weeks, but it's unlikely I will lose this week (and will probably gain) as I am off out for a day of eating and drinking on Friday so I will either be weighing in a day early, or weighing in on my normal day hungover and bloated!

So, the new plan was launched this week - Propoints (or Pro Points, or Pro-Points?). I have to say, although I am very openminded about the new plan, holy crap their launch was a mess.

First of all it was meant to launch yesterday, so we all assumed it would go live @ 12am on the 7th. I do my grocery shop on the Sunday so thought I could read all about it and then decide what I was doing foodwise, but it didn't launch. Turns out it launched @ 12.01am on the 8th. Okay - that's not the 7th Weight Watchers so get your dates right!

Secondly, I logged in this morning when I got to work for a sneaky peak at the new website and was immediately bombarded with the intro and lots of questions. I wasn't meant to be online at that time so I had to close the site down and I've not been able to get the same pages back up, so have no idea what I missed! And finally there's not one place on the site that seems to have any sort of useful FAQ. I am basically going to have to trawl through the site tonight to get some info. I'm staying on the Discover plan til at least next WI anyway, and if not maybe the one after that. I will report more when I know it myself!