Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011

I've never really been one for new year resolutions. Sometimes I'd plan to make some, then just not bother or I'd make some but never stick to them. I definitely never made them public. It was always the same - lose weight, try something new, blah blah blah. Whatevs.

But this year it's different. This year I've done something, and I want to keep doing things.

I've been inspired by everyone doing their 'Year in Review' posts but when I thought about it, I don't have much to review. I joined Weight Watchers on 10th May 2010 and since joining, I've lost 40.5lbs as of my last weigh in. This is my greatest achievement this year, and to be honest, probably the greatest achievement of my life. I've never done anything else and stuck to it and been successful, and while I'm having a little wobble just now, I know it won't last and I know I will get back on the wagon. But as far as how I've achieved it, I can't really say. Which isn't very helpful! I started this blog so I could look back on what I've done and how I've changed but I've not really changed. Even on Weight Watchers, what I ate didn't really change, just the amounts of it and I don't really look any different. So I decided rather than doing a year in review, I'd do a 'what I want to achieve blog' so when it's this time next year, I can see exactly how far I've come.

So here goes!

Set my goal weight: this is the first thing I want to do. For my height, I can choose anything between 7st 8lbs (106lbs) and 9st 6lbs (132lbs). I'm currently 11st 8lbs (162lbs) so this means I have to lose a minimum of 2st 2lbs (30lbs) and a maximum of 4st (56lbs). I'm not sure how to do it. Whether to try for the top end of the ultimate goal and see how I feel, to aim for straight in the middle of the two or something else altogether. When I was slim I never weighed myself, so I have no idea what weight I was the last time I was a healthy weight. I will take the advice of my Leader, and other WW members when setting this.
Get to, or be very close to, goal weight: I think regardless of which ultimate goal weight I set, it would be possible for me to get there within the year, however I don't want to lose weight too quickly. I know people who've lost lots of weight very quickly and either put it back on (and more) just as quickly, or looked terrible when they dropped the weight due to that whole loose skin/clapped in cheeks look. I don't want either of those things to happen to me so depending on which goal I set, I may want to be there by 31st December 2011 but as long as I am making good headway I am happy. I will reevaluate this mid year.
Get my 5 a day: Like I've said before, I haven't changed my eating habits much since starting WW, and I am hugely guilty of not eating enough fruit or veg. I've been the same my whole life - no green stuff on my plate, it's horrid! - but it's taken me to get to age 31 to realise how damn tasty that green stuff actually is. The great thing about ProPoints is its going to force me to eat more fruit and veg and so I need to be more open about trying new things, and also get some good healthy veggie recipes!
Get fit(ter!): I've been going to the gym now for 18 months, but I still wouldn't describe myself as fit, and I don't think of myself as an exerciser or a gym bunny. It's not a part of my life that I just do it's something I have to think about, plan and put effort into. I don't want it to be like that, I want it to be something that comes naturally to me. I know everyone has "can't be bothered" days, but although I do enjoy exercise, I always feel like I have to push myself to do it. Plus I don't feel like I have make the progress in classes I should make - I still can't keep up with the class in certain exercises, and I haven't increased my weights the whole time I've been there. So I want exercise to become a part of me and I want to see progress in my exercise. I will do this by making sure I go to the gym at least three times a week, and hopefully by increasing this by the end of the year. Also by making healthier choices in general - walking instead of taking the bus, getting up and speaking to someone in the office rather than calling/emailing them, taking the stairs instead of the escalator etc..
Try something new: I'm stuck in a bit of an exercise rut just now. I used to do 3/4 classes a week - step, toning and body pump. This dropped down to 3 a week - step twice and toning, but then I hurt my foot and changed to working out on the machines in the gym, and when it got better went back to the same classes. Although I really liked the gym when I was there, I can't get back into it. I've had my routine changed a few times, but it's just not happening for me. So I'd like to try something new. There are new classes at the gym, which I want to get down to and I'd like to try some outdoor forms of exercise too.
Dropping dress sizes by mid year: For all the weight I've dropped, coz I'm such a short arse I've only dropped one dress size (gone from a UK 20 to an 18). This is the one thing I've found really frustrating about my journey. I wish I was getting smaller quicker. People are now telling me that they can really see the weight coming off, but I can't so I'm hoping this will kick in soon.
Record my measurements monthly: I started taking my measurements at some point this year, but never followed it up. So I plan on taking my measurements on the 1st of every month to chart the inches I am (hopefully) losng so even if I am not dropping dress sizes I am seeing some progress and this should spur me on to keep it up.

I am a naturally pessimistic (sometimes downright negative!) person, and I have to say, I'm actually looking forward to putting all of the above into practice and ticking off these boxes when I'm done!

Come on, 2011! xo

The Bell Jar

(I have such a problem with these things...they will NOT be getting into my house in 2011!)

I've just been sitting on the Weight Watchers message boards. Something I used to find invaluable and visited at least twice a day, sometimes for many hours. Posting questions, looking for advice, helping people out with their questions, encouraging people and being encouraged. I've not done it in a long time, and today I realised why. The message boards used to be such a positive and uplifting environment. Everyone was happy when you lost weight, quick to offer support and advice if you weren't, cheering people up who were down, and sharing their tips and tricks to make the plan work for them. In the weeks leading up to ProPoints being launched, the message boards changed - for the worse.

They now seem to be a hotbed of moaning and negativity. Before the plan was launched it was the same question about it a hundred times a day, with the same answer of no one knows, it's all speculation etc.. Now that it's been launched, not many people seem to like the new plan and those that do seem to get shot down in flames when they post about it or bring up the negative atmosphere on the boards. I stopped going on the boards just as ProPoints was launched, and that was around the time when I stopped following the plan.

Looking back, I now realise what a huge source of support and inspiration the message boards were for me, so I have ventured back onto them today. I've not been great these past few weeks and although I lost 2.5lbs at my last weigh in, I am pretty sure I will have put that back on, and more.

There is still a lot of negativity on the board, and it doesn't have the same community/comaradary feel to it that it had before but it is getting there. I've decided I am going to stick with it and I even posted there today, for the first time in a long time. I just need to put myself in the 'bell jar' and not let the negative posts get into my brain.

It's the second last day of the year and I've felt shit this past week. Lack of exercise, too much food. All the usual for this time of year. I am trying not to beat myself up about it. Tomorrow, I will be drinking alcohol and then on Saturday I'll be having a big family dinner. However my gym is open and if the weather is good (well, passable!) I am going to make a point of going on Sunday. I don't normally work out on a Sunday, but I really want to get back into it. I've missed the gym and it's not just been because of Christmas I've not been able to go it's because of this damn weather as well. So hopefully, if the pavements are gritted, I'll get a workout squeezed in on Sunday and I'll be back on course for the rest of the week (and the rest of the YEAR!).

They are starting some new classes at the gym next week and I am so excited about this - I really like the classes we have now, but you know what? It's a cliche, but it's a good one - new year, new start. New classes are going to be fun and challenging, and that is just what I am looking for!

Early resolutions

I've decided that by 1st January, I'm going to decide what my goal weight is, and when I want to be there by.

That is all :)

Oh hai!

Well I have been MIA for a wee while and to be honest it's just been complete laziness! I have obviously been busy due to the time of year, but for some reason at the moment I am completely shattered all the time, even when I get a great sleep! Probably this shitty snow we can't get rid of, grrr.

So as far as weigh ins are concerned, the WI I had after my skipped week was a gain. I'd put on a pound. I felt pretty deflated, but my Leader was very encouraging. She just said that at this time of year you should try and maintain or limit the damage rather than aiming to lose. And this made me feel better (although it didn't really apply to me because I'd had no nights out or fancy dinners up to that point haha!). That week was another first though - I lied about my WI to my fiance.

I don't know why I did it. Well, I do, I didn't want to disappoint him and I couldn't be arsed with him moaning about it. I know he's just trying to be helpful but sometimes the things he says just aren't helpful! So I lied and said I STS but gave him the same line that the Leader gave me about maintaining etc. I felt bad about this - I'm not a liar. I hate lying even about small things - I'm a terrible liar and I panic and get the sweats when I have to say something that isn't true, even if it's to spare someone elses feelings etc.. I suppose being a bad liar is a good thing, but I got caught out anyway as my WI card got wet and I had to dry it out and when he was putting it back into the drawer for me he saw the gain >gulp<. He was fine though and I just told him I didn't plan on carrying that extra pound around for long so there was no point in stressing about it!

And it turns out I was right - when I went to WI on Saturday, I lost a whole 2.5lbs! 2.5lbs!!! I couldn't believe it! This now puts me at over 20% weight lost from my starting weight, and I'm only 1.5lbs away from losing 3 stone (although I am finding it frustrating that I have been close to hitting this milestone for about 2 months, grr!). But a thought crossed my mind as I was heading home - I am only 80% of the person I was seven months ago!

This gave me such a boost. Although I had pretty much stuck to plan (without tracking *slaps hand*) all week I'd been out for lunch on the Friday (my one and only Christmas outing...nowt like being popular, ha!) and I'd had pizza and pudding for lunch and then pasta (WW friendly) at teatime. I fully expected to have put on or STS and I was fine with that so when I stepped on those scales and had dropped 2.5lbs I could not believe it. I was so happy. I am putting it down to finally being able to get back to the gym - because we've been snowed into the house or snowed out of the town I've not been able to get to the gym for a few weeks and it felt so good to get back.

This week I have been all right but not great. Again I am eating my usual, but I've not been tracking. If you look back before I found tracking imperative and I said that if you do one thing on WW, then track! And I've not done it for weeks. I've decided to just carry on as is just now, but from 1st January (when I will probably be out for a big meal) that I WILL TRACK! As far as food goes though, I've been okay but unfortunately it would seem that I've got my taste for pizza back (the only thing I've not been able to find a good WW friendly equivalent for) and I had another pizza this week. Also because I've been a) out and about and b) extremely crabby this week I've been having lots of milky coffees (milky coffees to me are what cigarettes are to smokers). Unfortunately living in a shitty backwater like I do the coffee shops we have aren't overly familiar with "fancy" options like decaf and skinny, but from what I saw it was semi skimmed so the damage is limited. I've only made it to the gym once but it was a great workout and holy moly I have been doing some amount of walking whens shopping (and walking in snow, which I always think is a great thigh and bum work out!) so I'm hoping that will pay off.

I don't weigh in now til 8th January now, and that's quite a scary thought. Will I go off the rails and think I have loads of time to pull it back? Who knows, but I will try my best not to. I've made sure to stock up on loads of low fat stuff for when I'm off work (this week and some of next) and I don't have anything huge coming up - drinks and dinner tonight, but it's soup and roast chicken (no skin!) for dinner and yeah there will be alcohol but hey, that's easy to burn off, right? Hahaha. Then the day itself where I'm sorry but I don't think any of us should watch what we eat. It's one day - if you want to make healthier versions of stuff, then great, but I am going to my fiance's Mum's house who will be making a delicious turkey with all the trimmings and I plan on enjoying it with NO GUILT!

Again, I am definitely not down with the ProPoints and I really, really feel like I need to get into it or I'm going to lose it altogether. Again, I plan to do it starting 1st January (when else is better for a fresh start!). I think I will do a New Year Resolutions post next week, and I also plan on doing 'A Beginners Guide to the Gym' post as well.

One thing I would like to say, is being not very computer savvy, I didn't notice anyone had commented on my posts (I thought you got an email, like on Facebook or Twitter, d'oh!) so I'd just like to thank everyone for their comments and say I will definitely be checking for comments from now on!

I doubt I'll be posting before Christmas (although I might, you never know!) so I will say I hope everyone has a lovely (and guilt free!) Christmas and if you don't celebrate Christmas then I hope you have an awesome time if you have some time off work!

xoxo

Friday night thoughts III

Well I didn't go to weigh in last week. Officially I slept in, but unofficially I think it was my subconscious just telling me not to go. I set my alarm and woke up and lay in bed for a few minutes, planning to get up and go but the thought of it was awful - I didn't know where my weigh in card was (the new one I got after losing my last one, which if I am honest, I loved - it had everything I'd achieved on there, and it's gone and I don't know where it is) and we'd had bucketloads of snow overnight. I turned round to set the snooze on my alarm, but I don't know if I set it and slept through it or if I just didn't set it properly. Either way, I woke up 45 minutes after my class started so there was no point in even trying to get there.

I thought I would feel guilty. Never before have I toyed with the idea of not going - even when I've known I was going to have a gain. I feel that it's just as, if not, more important to go when you're doing badly as it is when you're doing well. But I didn't feel guilty. Initially, I felt relieved. It felt good to have had a lie in and I went about the rest of the day as normal. I wasn't hung up on it at all, but as I look back over the week it's set the tone for being lazy and missing stuff "accidently on purpose" the whole week.

I've not tracked at all this week, and have pretty much just eaten what I've wanted. I've not gone wild but I've not been conservative either. I've had SO much chocolate, which isn't something that would normally interest me much and I've drank most of the week as well. Because the weather has been so crap, I've literally felt like I needed food to "stick to my bones" (ridic, it's hardly like I'm wasting away!) and I've eaten burgers, chips, pasta, toast, cheese. I've filled myself up on milky coffees with sugar, and if I'm honest I've loved every minute of it.

I am SO pissed off with myself. When I started Weight Watchers I took to it so easily and got on really well with it. I never felt denied anything, I never felt hungry, I never felt like I was on a diet. I couldn't believe how easy I found it. I'd read people on the WW website and hear people talking about how they'd fallen off the wagon, or were struggling with it and I couldn't understand it at all. Why were they having this problem? If a big fatty like me who munched continually couldn manage it why couldn't they? I wasn't being judgmental but it scared me that people could be doing it for so long, having amazing results and still fall off the wagon. I waneted to understand WHY it happened to people, and now I'm here living it, and I don't understand it myself.

I'm going to go to weigh in tomorrow (hah, without my weigh in card! The embarrasment!) and just take whatever it has to throw at me. And I'll be honest, I'm scared. Not worried, not nervous - SCARED. I'm scared that this is it, I'm scared I'm going back to my own ways. I'm scared of a gain in case I feel upset, but I'm scared of a loss in case I think I can get away with this sort of shit. I'll just need to take it as it comes.

My plan is once I've been to WI, that I will come out with a renewed focus. I will track, I will follow the ProPoints plan (I've not even really attempted it yet) and I NEED to get back to the gym. I haven't been in over two weeks as I was doing some intense study and then this fucking weather started! The weather is forecast to keep up so even if I can't get to the gym, I need to exercise in the house. I can't let this beat me. I need to get back to where I was before and I need to tell myself I CAN DO THIS.

Tomorrow may be a first...

....it's 1am. I can't find my weigh in book AGAIN (after getting a new one last week after losing my beloved first one) and I'm tired as shit. I'm so done. So tomorrow might be a first. It might be defeat. I might skip my weigh in for the first time ever. The first time in my 31 week journey.

Watch this space...

Weigh In Results

I got a pleasant surprise when I got on the scales yesterday - 1.5lbs off. Very surprising, but very happy with it. Hope I can keep this up. I've decided to try and do the ProPoints thing this week - it's the only real week I'm going to not have any plans before Christmas so this will let me see if it works and if not I can go back to the Discover plan next week.

Currently, we have lots of snow. It's very early in the year for snow where I am and it may mess up my exercise plans this week. The gym I go to is at the top of a super steep hill and I worry about walking down it in the bad weather so I don't know if I'll get up. If not I will need to try and kick my ass into exercising at home. I'm terrible at this - I have lots of fitness videos and equipment but no motivation to do anything when I'm at home. Could be time to look out the batteries and dust off the old Wii Fit! Espesh as our Christmas Party is soon and I am having serious dilemmas but about my dress. I have a skin condition which has flared up and my dress doesn't hide it (a skin condition which, by the way, was meant to get better as I lost weight, but has actually gotten worse) and I have old woman flabby arms going on too. Bingo wings ahoy!

I also noticed I've totally forgotten to take my measurements so will need to do that soon although don't think there's been much change. None of my clothes feel any bigger and I measured myself for a new bra the other day and I'm the same size there. That's the most frustrating thing for me. It's great to see your weight go down every week but without the inches coming off too it feels a bit like it's not really happening if you know what I mean. I have not been my usual conscientious little gym bunny recently though so that doesn't help. I need to get my mojo back!

Friday night thoughts II

So, WW hasn't been going at all well just now. I'm feeling really negative and can't shake it. I've been okay this week, but not great. Stuck to my normal meals but I've had to the odd extra thing here and there, and haven't tracked at all. The good news is I've been to the gym twice. The bad news is I planned to go three times.

I've no idea what will happen tomorrow. I've kinda done Discover plan, kinda done ProPoints, kinda not bothered, so really the scales could say anything. I've also lost my Weigh In card. No fricking idea where it is.

The final straw is I just looked out of the window and there's a good covering of snow over everything (I hate snow) and that scuppers my plans to wear my leggings (eg lightest trousers, and what I wore last week) to get weighed as I've no "snow friendly" boots I can wear with them. Oh le sigh. Hopefully I'll feel more positive next week. I've no idea whats happened but I've completely lost my mojo.

Sad face :(

Okay, so it's only Monday teatime and I'm already pissed off with ProPoints. Bearing in mind I don't point on a Saturday that means 1.5 days of the plan and I'm already pissed off with it.

Seriously, I AM HUNGRY. I was never hungry on the Discover plan. I am so far finding it a nightmare to follow. Yesterday I used 8pp of my weekly allowance, and I wouldn't say I ate any more than I do on a normal Sunday (I generally don't eat much on a Sunday between getting up late and then being really busy) and I was still hungry when I went to bed.

Today I had 2 cereal bars, 2 coffees, a small lentil soup and a white roll with crisps and I only have 8pp left for dinner. And let's face it, 8pp gets you sweet FA.

I'm going to try it for the rest of the week to see how I get on, but I can seriously see me going back to the Discover plan.

:(

Saturday, Saturday

I lost half a pound this week at WI. I am really pleased about that as I expected another gain, but I am feeling really deflated about the whole WW thing and it's all my own doing. I really need to get out of this rut. I am feeling pretty negative about the whole ProPoints thing. I haven't done a full week on it yet, but things I am discovering are worrying me. For lunch I normally have a ham sandwich and my ham would be between 0.5p - 1p per portion. It's now 3pp - 4pp and remember that's before I've even added bread. Another staple of my diet was WW Oven Chips. They were so handy when you wanted to feel like you were having a treat and only 4pts for 240g portion. I used to have them with omelettes, chicken, fish etc.. On ProPoints the same portion size is 12pp. 12 PROPOINTS WHEN THEY WERE 4!! I'm only allowed 29pp per day. Ugh.

I'm going to give it a go and see how I feel but I've bought an old points calculator from eBay so I can follow the old plan if needed.

Another thing that's pissing me off, and this is ridiculous (on my part), is that my meeting is now so busy. Before I had my little routine. I'd get up early, get to class 15 minutes before the "official" start time and most of the time there'd be one or two other people there but sometimes noone. I could be in and out before the official start time. Now, I walk in 15 minutes early and theres already 20 other people sitting and they've not even got the shit set up for the meeting! It pisses me off no end which is stupid because these people are only doing what I did! I need to sort that attitude right out haha!

So we'll see how I get on with ProPoints this week. I'm encouraged because another blog I follow, Gem's WW Story (http://gemswwstory.blogspot.com/), reported an 11lb weight loss this week followng the PP plan - holy moly, how great is that!? I know I won't lose 11lbs but if I could get back on track for my challenges I'd be quite happy!

Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

So when I went along to my meeting on Saturday, I got my fancy schmancy new ProPoints book. According to the Leader "everything" we need to know would be in the book and she even brought in a days worth of her food (it was gross, it had been sitting all week!) to show just how much you can eat in a day. I planned to sit down and go through all the stuff on Saturday so that when I went shopping on Sunday I could have pre-planned all my meals so that I knew where I was at. I had a terrible week last week and I am blaming it on how I was stupidly feeling about the new plan. Scared it wouldn't work so sabotaging myself. Anyway, it didn't quite work out like that.

I did have a quick read of the stuff on Saturday. None of the science behind it, but the general info about foodstuffs and what the points allowances were. You basically now are allocated a daily and a weekly points allowance. My daily allowance is 29 and my weekly is 49 (everyone's weekly allowance is the same). You can no longer "save" points for treats etc, that's what your weekly allowance is for. The points value of all foods have changed - mostly increased. Fruit is now zero points, but other things, such as baked potatoes have leaped (10-14 points without filling I've heard - glad I don't bother with them!). I also know one of my staples (and yes this is probably why now they're trying to promote healthy eating) Weight Watchers oven chips have leapt from 4pts for 240g to 12pts!

First of all, I am on the minimum daily allowance of 29. Now, being that I haven't read the "science" behind it, it may well be explained in there, but my first impression is "I have at least three stone still to lose, possibly five, so how can I possibly be on the lowest points allowance?". Straight off the bat - without having to read any "science" - on the old plan I could see that as I lost weight, my points allowance reduced therefore allowing me to continue to lose weight at a healthy rate. I cannot see how I can have the same points allowance as some 8 stone chick looking to lose a bit of weight for Christmas / Wedding / Holidays. BUT like I say, I've not read the whole science shit so it might well be explained in there.


Secondly all over the website people are complaining about not being able to eat their 29 points a day. I don't think I'm going to have that issue. Today I had toast and coffee for breakfast, soup and a roll for lunch, a packet of crisps and a coffee for a snack and a small tin of Mac cheese with toast for dinner and I'm over points already. On the Discover plan I can guarantee I'd have had points left over on that.

Thirdly there doesn't seem to be much hard and fast information available - apparently food stuffs are still wrong on the tracker and on the website some people are saying you should be eating all of your daily points, and whatever you want of your weekly, some people are saying you should eat most of your daily points and some of your weekly and others are saying you should eat all of your daily points and all of your weekly! WTF Weight Watchers, get some frickin' FAQs up on your site!

Like I say, I planned to plan out my meals for the week and stick to them as best I could however on Sunday I was ill so I didn't get to the supermarket and had to rely on my fiance to get my food in. My head was all over the place so I just told him to get some of my old Discover Plan staples so I'm just having to muddle through as best I can.

Overall my first impressions of the plan aren't favourable, but I really want to like it. I like that they're trying to encourage you to choose foods that are good for you rather than foods that are convenient / low points, however I do think they will lose people in their droves. It's much harder now to pick up something in the supermarket and know whether its going to be something you'd want to include in your diet - on the Discover plan you knew if something was high in calories and/or high in sat fats it would also be high in points. Hell, sometimes from experience you could guess the points! There ain't no chance of that with their carb/fibre/fat/protein combo!

I don't think this week will go particularly well for me, due to the lack of planning but I'm not going to give up on it right away. I will give it a week or two, although I was really hoping to be in the 10s by 1st January although that looks hugely unlikely now.

Uh-oh

I've had a bad week this week. Totally my own fault and no one else to blame.

Yesterday I had a big work day out which had been arranged for a few weeks. It basically involved eating loads and drinking. Because I knew it was coming up I planned to a) weigh in early (on Thursday rather than today, Saturday), b) save a couple of points a day so that any damage wasn't as bad as it might've been and c) make healthy choices. Just because I'm booked into restaurants for lunch and dinner doesn't mean I have to go crazy and have eat really bad food. Unfortunately I did none of this.

All week I've eaten like crap. I've had pies, chips, chocolate, alcohol and I've not set foot inside the gym. I kidded myself by saying "oh it's this new ProPoints system. I've not had it rolled out yet but all the stuff online has changed so I don't know how to work the points out!". This was shit. LIES! I basically wanted to eat what I wanted without thinking about it. By the time Thursday came around I knew I'd have gained anyway so I thought fuck it and just went shopping instead.

When I went out yesterday I did pace myself as far as alcohol is concerned. I am pretty much a lightweight and if I drank the way everyone else did I probably would've blacked out/passed out/spewed (or all three!) but the thing is I spaced the drinks out with Pepsi and not water. I drank cocktails, I ate chips and cheese and other fatty things and then I moved onto cider.

I was SO tempted to skip WI this morning, but they've launched the new Propoints plan and it was being rolled out this morning so I had to go to get my pack. I prepated myself that I was going to have a gain and I didn't think I was bothered. But I got there and stood on the scales as I was so disappointed when I saw it was worst than I feared. I put on 1.5lbs. I know 1.5lbs doesn't seem like much, but if I dropped 1.5lbs I'd be delighed. It's a huge amount to me, especially as my weight loss has been so good the last couple of weeks. I've been doing WW for about 28, 29 weeks now, and I haven't had a gain in 17 weeks and the most I've ever gained before 1lb *siiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

Oh well. Like I say, no one to blame but myself and only I can put it right, which is exactly what I plan to do. I am away from home next week for two days, but plan to be prepared for the whole thing (the only thing I won't be able to control is the dinner on the Thursday night but I can control how much of it I eat). This week will be my first week on ProPoints so I will give some thoughts on it next week but the good thing is it makes it easier for me to grab some food on the go/take food with me as fruit is now all 0pts. My suitcase will be full of apples and oranges!

In other news, I tried on my size 16 jeans this week and they fit nicely which was a huge boost, but I also tried on my size 16 Anthro dress and I am still miles away from getting into it. Maybe summertime!

And for about a year, maybe longer, I have loved loved LOVED Dannii Minogue's chic and shiny bob. I always said I would get it when I lost weight (waaay before I even thought about joining WW, and not really believing I would ever lose weight). I hate my hair. I've always had fine hair, but I used to have lots of it. To the point I'd asked for updos and other styles and been told on more than one occasion by more than one hairdresser that I had "too much" hair for that particular style. Over the past few years my hair has got thinner and thinner and it upsets me SO much. I've cried about it. I went to the Docs recently to see if he could find any cause, but they can't. It's just "one of those things" and "it might right itself" and "good hairdressing should hide it". *Sigh*. So I've been growing it for years but it looked awful so I decided, well I've lost weight, I've loved this hairstyle, maybe getting it chopped off will help the condition and maybe stimulate the growth again.

I have to say my hairdresser did a fantastic job. She did exactly what I ask for and it's not her fault I feel this way, but here's what I went in and asked for:



And here's what I think I look like with it:



Now don't get me wrong, I think Ruth Jones is a great looking woman. But not as Ness.

I'm really disappointed with it, but it's because I've completely overthought it. I think in my head I'd come out with the new hair cut LOOKING like Dannii haha. I mean, no way, it's a haircut not bloody plastic surgery! But anyhoo, I was hoping it'd be a confidence boost, but it's not. I hate it and with my shitastic hair it will take FOREVER to grow. Meh.

Sorry for the Debbie Downer post but it's just the kinda mood I'm in.

WI and Pro-Points

I weighed in this Saturday and lost 2lbs! Woo! I am now on track for both online challenges I joined via the WW website - Christmas Challenge (lose at least 1lb a week in the 15 weeks running up to Christmas) and 12 for 12 (again, lose at least 1lb a week in the 12 weeks running up to Christmas). I was behind in both of these due to small loses or STS but now I am back on track, yeah!

Only 3.5lb to go til I hit my next big milestone - 3st off. I was hoping to do this in the next 2 weeks, but it's unlikely I will lose this week (and will probably gain) as I am off out for a day of eating and drinking on Friday so I will either be weighing in a day early, or weighing in on my normal day hungover and bloated!

So, the new plan was launched this week - Propoints (or Pro Points, or Pro-Points?). I have to say, although I am very openminded about the new plan, holy crap their launch was a mess.

First of all it was meant to launch yesterday, so we all assumed it would go live @ 12am on the 7th. I do my grocery shop on the Sunday so thought I could read all about it and then decide what I was doing foodwise, but it didn't launch. Turns out it launched @ 12.01am on the 8th. Okay - that's not the 7th Weight Watchers so get your dates right!

Secondly, I logged in this morning when I got to work for a sneaky peak at the new website and was immediately bombarded with the intro and lots of questions. I wasn't meant to be online at that time so I had to close the site down and I've not been able to get the same pages back up, so have no idea what I missed! And finally there's not one place on the site that seems to have any sort of useful FAQ. I am basically going to have to trawl through the site tonight to get some info. I'm staying on the Discover plan til at least next WI anyway, and if not maybe the one after that. I will report more when I know it myself!

The end is nigh...

Well tomorrow will be the last week on the 'Discover Plan' before we switch over to 'ProPoints'. It officially launches on 7th November, and although I attend a meeting (where it'll launch 13th November) I do most of my shit online so will probably start the new plan there.

I'm not sure how I'm feeling about the new plan yet. I was worried at first, then looking forward to it, but now I'm a bit worried again. But, hey, if it doesn't suit me I still have enough resources of my own to follow the Discover Plan if I want to.

I guess we'll find out how it is in a week or two...

Quickie

Haven't really had time to blog this week. Lost 1.5lb on Sat which I was very happy with, but I've not been able to make it to the gym yet this week so who knows what Saturday will hold. Saying that, it is only Tuesday!

In the Elevens

image via wikimedia.org

So this weeks post is all about numbers 1, 7 and 11. 1 because I lost 1lb this week, which gained me my 5th 'Silver 7' and it has taken me into the 11 stone bracket (albeit the high end - 11 stone 13.5lbs, but it's still the elevens!).

I've not really been struggling much with WW recently but I've not exactly been setting the world on fire with it either. I've just been plodding along but being in the elevens now has given me such an uplift. I honestly can't remember the last time I weighed 11 stone anything, and being that I started out at 14st 6.5lbs it just feels like a huge achievement for me. I can also now see the end in sight. I haven't decided on a goal weight yet, but all of a sudden whatever that goal weight is just seems so much more achievable. I think it's probably time to give some serious consideration to my goal weight so I might mention it at next week's meeting.

I also want to now try and change the way I eat. Since starting WW I still eat the same processed crap I've always eaten, just less of it, or low fat versions (which usually mean high salt versions). I now want to try and eat more unprocessed food and drastically up the amount of fruit and veg I eat (I can shamefully say there are days go by when I eat no fruit or veg, or maybe only manage a small portion). I'll be honest and say this is down to laziness. It's easier for me to just stick something in the oven, or eat a packet of crisps rather than peel an orange. Tomorrow before I go food shopping I'm going to plan out my food for the week and try and eat as fresh food as possible.

I'm back at the gym and only made it up twice this week (dramarama on Friday prevented me from going, but I'm definitely going to try and get up at least 3 times this week as I'm off work for a couple of days so no excuse!). I'm going to blog a bit about how I got into exercising and why I enjoy it.

In other news, it's official - Weight Watchers are launching a new plan in the UK on 7th November. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm not closed to the idea, but I like counting points, I like knowing how this system works and I can see the results so I feel like it will take a lot of convincing to make me want to switch to something else! I will see how it is but plan to buy a points calculator on eBay so that I can continue to use the Discover Plan if I don't like the new one. My guess it might be more like the US plan, which is fine with me as I think it's actually healthier and it also means I can use all the US recipes - yay!

Finally, the Christmas party dress season is upon us. I need two dresses this year and a more casual outfit so I need bargains since as usual I am skint! We'll see how I get on now that dropping a dress size has opened a few more shops to me.

xo
____
EDIT: I also realised just after posting this I've done my 15% loss now too (15% of my original starting weight) - it totally passed me by!

Wait...whaaaa?

So I went to weigh in this morning and told the Leader that I thought I would be a gain as I'd had a terrible week. I'd heard her give someone up the line a bit of a telling off for putting on and I wasn't in the mood, so I thought I'd preempt it and tell her upfront that I'd been off plan but was back on the right page now and she was fine...then I stepped on the scales and had dropped 2lbs. 2lbs! WTF?!?! i have NO idea how that happened, but I'll take it! I just have to be careful that it doesn't catch up with me this week. Phew!

24 ta life....

I've been on WW now for 24 weeks and I can easily say this is the worst week I've had "on plan". The reason I'm putting "on plan" in speech marks is because I can't actually say I've been on plan this week. In fact, I have most definitely been off plan this week and kidding myself that I have been anything else.

I don't know what the problem has been this week. Saturdays, I always have a points free day. I eat what I like and I don't worry about it. Especially now as I've found that what I eat has drastically reduced in size from what I ate before. But I think it all kicked off this Saturday.

I went out for lunch as normal, and left most of my lunch because I was just so full. I can't remember what I ate for dinner, but I drank that night and had some "munchies" a;ong with it.

Sunday I was lying in bed thinking "I could really go something tasty and stodgy for breakfast...toast with loads of butter, roll on sausage...all washed down with a delicious capuccinno" and just then my friend texted me to see if I wanted to go out for lunch (yes, I was still in bed at lunchtime). I wasn't going to go, but the lure of the capuccinno was too much so I quickly jumped out of bed, showered and got ready to go out. I knew where we were going and my pre-WW usual there was a massive cheese toastie with vegetable soup. I'll just get the vegetable soup I told myself. Vegetable soup and a capuccinno. Or toast and a capuccinno. But when I got there I ordered my old faithful - the huge cheese toastie, with the soup. And when they brought the soup they brough an additional extra that I never used to get - crusty bread with real butter. I wasn't going to eat it. But I did.

I went the rest of Sunday not having much, but then decided to have a drink at night. I can't remember (not coz I was drunk but coz I wasn't counting points) if I had anything to munch with it.

From there on in the week has just spiralled - chocolate biscuits, rolls on sausage, full fat crisps, burgers, cheese. It's all just gone wrong. I can't believe I've let myself do this. I don't know why I did it. And it's pissing me off that I did do it!

I'm sure this week of overindulgence will lead to a gain on the scales tomorrow, and I have no one to blame but myself. I just hope its not too much, but as I sit here with two (yes, TWO) burgers and a lemon sweetie bar in my belly, I'm not holding out much hope.

We'll see how I get on in ten hours.

Vital Statistics

image via weheartit


I have been thinking about taking my measurements for a while. When I first started WW I thought about it, but decided against it because I was worried that it wouldn't change and I'd get discouraged and come off plan. Now I feel like I've been on the plan long enough to not let that bother me. I know in my head that they won't move quickly, and I am prepared for that. So here we go:

Upper arm (AKA 'bingo wings'): 11.5"
Forearm (just below elbow): just over 9"
Around boobs (with bra on): 44.5"
Underboobs: 37.5"
Waist: just under 43"
Hips: 41"
Thigh: 22.5"
Calf: 15.25"
Ankle: 9.5"
Dress Size: 18/20

My main issues arm my upper arms and my waist. My waist is bigger than my hips - WTF! I am officially the same shape as a pregnant lady. Which, hey, is fine if you're a pregnant lady. I think pregnant ladies look great, but I'M NOT PREGNANT so it ain't the best look for me. And it's also very embarrassing when people do think you're pregnant (trust me, it's happened...awkward!). Plus the fact that my waist isn't a kick in the arse off 4 feet round which is shocking considering I'm only 5 feet tall. Although it does explain why I seem to spend my life pulling my trousers up.

I'm going to take my measurements monthly as I don't think there'll be a huge difference week to week.

In weight related news, I STS this week. I was a little disappointed with this as I am now properly back to gym and I thought I'd maybe up my loss to a pound this week (rather than the bloody 0.5lb I've been losing) but obviously not. I'll see how I get on this week before considering my next move.

This week

This week I am making a promise to myself to:

- track accurately all week
- stick to points, that is not going over but not going under either
- get to the gym at least 3 times this week
- to do something "active" (eg long walk) on the days I don't make the gym
- try to up my fruit and veg intake
- aim to lessen my reliance on convenience/processed foods because it's easier than thinking about what I'm going to eat
- (non WW related) stick to my study schedule

Let's see how it goes

Thoughts on looks and self image...

Most people I know or read about want to lose weight to help with their looks. Sure some of them will want to do it for health reasons but 9 out of 10 times (in my experience) it's to look good/fit into nice clothes/be sexy/get a partner. It's superficial but it's true. I've never considered myself to be superficial, but I am.

One of the reasons I went so long without trying to lose weight is because I felt like it didn't matter how much weight I'd lose, I'd still look like me. And I'm ugly.

The feeling that I am ugly has plagued me my whole life. I've never been popular, I've never really "got on" in life and in the back of my mind I've always felt like it was because I wasn't pretty/attractive/sexy. Note: I know this (probably) isn't true, it's probably to do with my lack of confidence than anything else, but I still feel that way in the back of my mind and I just can't shake it and don't know it I ever will.

As a little girl I never felt as pretty as the other girls in the class. I can't remember anyone ever telling me I looked pretty or cute (even in my family). I think the best I may have got was "nice" and it wasn't usually me they used the term about, it was "that's a nice dress" or "your hair looks nicer that way". It was never "you look really nice today".

When I got to high school I felt even worse. I was slim in both primary and high school but in high school but I was ugly, and people told me. Ugly hair, ugly freckles, ugly clothes. Then when I tried to fit in I just got laughed at for wanting to be accepted.

I left high school as soon as I could and went into full time working, but it was basically the same. Always the loner, always on the outside. Always the "weirdo" as my friends so lovingly referred to me ("Gasp! You like heavy metal - YOU WEIRDO! Gasp! You like reading - YOU WEIRDO! Gasp! You don't like boybands - YOU WEIRDO! Gasp! You're interested in politics - YOU WEIRDO!". I didn't even mind the weirdo tag so much back then but now it irritates me when I think about it.

My whole career I've felt like because I look ugly/weird I not got on as well as I could've. I don't 'look' like the person you'd give that job to. The problem is that's when the bitch in me comes out. I'll see people who I consider unattractive in a great job and think "how did he/she get that job?" - nothing to do with their experience or qualifications. It's their looks.

When I go to the gym, the instructors are all chatty chatty with the other people and they're just "professional friendly" with me. In my head, it's coz they're thinking "why the hell is this fat ugly chick even bothering?!" but in reality it's because other people are friendly and chatty back whereas I'm cold and guarded.

I know in reality it's ridiculous. But I still have these hang ups. And I want to get over them, but I don't know how.

I'm 31 years old and I pour over the Blogger and Flickr every day, saving pictures of people I want to look like, want to dress like, want to be shaped like. I'm thirty-fuckin'-one years old and I still aspire to be like other people! By this point in my life I should be ME! I should know who I am, know my style, be confident but I'm not. I'm still that little girl who feels ugly compared to all her classmates.

This post has been really hard for me to write. I hear people who say out loud "I'm ugly, I look awful" and all I can think is "STFU you attention seeker! If you really, REALLY felt that way you could never vocalise it. You could never tell other people. Because it hurts. It hurts and the reactions of people just make you feel worse". Regardless of whether people would seem genuinely shocked you feel that way or whether they would sort of stutter and give you a compliment, it would never make me feel better to tell someone. And I never have. And the only reason I can do it here is because it doesn't feel like anyone is reading/listening. And I don't know if anyone is. And if anyone is, I'm not looking for reassurance. You can't give me any reassurance.

The reason I am writing this post is because right now I feel VERY ugly. Its effecting almost everything I do just now. My hair is thin and hangs in bits. When I pull it back theres balding areas. My skin looks horrid, its either too shiny or too matte. It always looks dirty from my freckles. I try to take care of myself - put make up on, paint my nails, but I always feel I look like a kiddy who's been playing in Mama's make up box. In summary - I feel shit right now. Which is why I react so hard when people assume I feel awesome because of my weight loss. I don't feel awesome. I feel ugly. Uglier in fact, just slimmer. And feeling like this makes me feel ugly on the inside too, because I know I've got it easy. I know some people have been in accidents or born with disabilities or whatever and that makes their life way harder than mine. And that makes me feel bad. I just want to get past this and get on with my life.

And on the flipside...

...of my post from earlier today, I met a friend who I speak with regularly but don't see often, and she was amazed at the change in me since she'd seen me last. She was genuinely happy for me, and complimentary. We went shopping together and everything I tried on in an 18 fitted and a 20 literally hung off me. I couldn't believe it!

I had such a nice morning and I'm feeling very happy now.

I've also decided to start taking my measurements every Saturday morning before I weigh in. My waist is an absolutely ridiculous size so when I get my gym program redone next week I am going to concentrate on my core. I'll probably add a ticker for my waist measurement but I'm guessing it will be a lot slower moving than my weight one.

Oh, and I dropped a pound, which I am SUPER pleased with as I thought I would actually put on this week with all my bad eating shenanigans (including a 3 course meal last night).

Don't be a Fakey McFakerson...

If you have found out that someone is following a weight loss plan, or attempting to lose weight some other (healthy) way (eg through exercise) and you genuinely can't see if they have lost weight, don't tell them that they've lost lots of weight / look amazing / are super skinny, blah blah blah.

I know you may be doing it for "noble" reasons (like you want to encourage this person, recognise their efforts or make them feel good) or you may be doing it for, what I consider, not so "noble" reasons (like you want them to think you have noticed and you want them to think you're great for noticing).

People aren't stupid. They can tell if you genuinely can tell if they've lost weight and by giving a fake "OMG! Like wow, you look great! You can totally see you've lost loads!" it does not make them feel better. In fact, it can have the opposite effect.

So if you think you're being nice/helpful/encouraging when doing this, my advice would be don't - when you can genuinely see a difference and tell the person it will mean so much more to them than a forced compliment ahead of time.

Eeek!

I am about to venture outside for leggings in the first time in about...oh maybe 23 years. I am feeling pretty self conscious but I am going to push myself to wear something fashionable. Eeek!

Ain't nothin' goin' on

Well I haven't blogged recently as there's not really been anything to blog about. Nothing great has happened, and nothing bad either. I dropped 0.5lb at my weigh in on Saturday, and I think I've found my pattern - three or four weeks of small weight losses or staying the same, and then one big drop of 3lb - 3.5lbs.

I've joined two challenges through the WW eSource site. One is 12 for 12 - lose 12lbs in 12 weeks (this one will start from Saturday for me) and the other is Christmas Countdown - again, lose a minimum of 1lb a week until Christmas. I've already failed my first way in on that one!

This is the only thing I can say I don't like about WW, and it's not even so much WW it's me - my body and how it reacts to things. I joined both of the challenges after being spurred on by much positive talk from my OH. When I dropped the chunk of weight the week before last, he said to me "you could easily lose another stone before Christmas" and the thought was so appealing! That would mean I'd be into the 11s. I've not been 11 stone something in about 10 years. And I thought "yeah, I can do this!" so I joined. But although I think I might lose another good bit before Christmas, with my weight pattern I don't know if it'll be as much as a stone (14lbs for any US readers!). I will still give it a go though.

I am still toying with the idea of photographing everything I eat and putting it on Flickr. I'm thinking about it for two reasons - one because if I can take the time to photograph it, I will definitely track it and maybe think twice about mindlessly scoffing something (not that I do that much now anyway) and also because it might give someone some ideas for dinners. I'm a very visual person and always like a picture with a recipe and Flickr is obviously the perfect forum for that and I find that the majority of the WW stuff on there is American where the points system is different. On the same token though, I pretty much eat the same thing for breakfast & lunch every day so it might be pretty boring. I'll give it some more thought.

Anyways, for this week's WI I am not sure what to expect. If it was a normal week I would expect 0.5lb off, but I'm out for a family get together on Friday night which involves a three course meal. I will try and choose wisely but let's just say my disgestive transit does not move quickly so the weight of food I consume will probably still be in my tummy the next day at weigh in...

Quick post

Well all this week I have really, really struggled staying on plan. Last Saturday I deliberately rammed a shitload of fatty, unhealthy food down my throat even though I didn't really want it, and the rest of the week was no different. I've generally been crabby, work has been crap, I was fed up, I didn't track, I've not been to the gym and even though I tried to stay on plan but when it came to it, I don't know how many days I did. It's the first week I've really thought to myself "what's the point?".

When I went to WI this morning I was fed up. I was expecting to STS or even have put on. I got there late so I had to wait ages to get weighed. I was getting more and more pissed off standing in the queue and going over in my head why I was doing this and what I am trying to achieve, but generally just reiterating to myself that I didn't see the point. So finally (30 minutes later) it was my turn to get weighed and you can imagine my surprise when I dropped 3lbs! I honestly couldn't believe it. I was 1lb away from hitting my 2 stone off, and didn't expect to do it, and there I was - over it! 30lbs down. 30lbs!! Not only is that now 2 stone off it's also 15% off!

It was just the little boost I needed. Now I see why I am doing this. And I will remember the feeling when she told me I had dropped 3lbs this week. And that will spur me on through difficult weeks in the future

NSVs and Negative Nancys!

Today I dropped half a pound at my WI. I was pleased with this. I had a huge meal out on Sunday - all covered in cheese and sour cream and delicious things like that! I knew I was going to be going over my points, and was prepared for this. I've no idea how many points I went over by, but I estimated 15 (although in all honesty, it was probably more). I was happy to save points the rest of the week to make up for it, and I did (I ended up saving 13.5 points in the end) and I dropped half a pound and was very happy.

Saying that, I'd be happy dropping half a pound even if this wasn't the case. I am happy to drop anything. I've always been of the opinion that this journey is a marathon and not a sprint and the whole point of WW is to "lose a healthy amount of 0.5lb - 2lbs per week". The last few weeks I've been hovering between dropping half a pound to a pound. Every time I have dropped this my Leader has said something along the lines of "oh, just half off. Well at least it's still coming off" or "A pound? Oh well, I suppose it's still going in the right direction".

I've been doing WW for over 3 months now and I expected my weight loss to slow down and I have never done a diet / healthy eating plan before, but I know through common sense that you won't drop loads every week. When I do drop any weight, I feel that I show I am genuinely pleased and happy so can't understand why I am getting these (what I consider) negative remarks from my Leader. Maybe she's scared that when people's weight loss slows down they stop trying or leave. But if that's the case, the attitude she has is not a great encouragement to stay or keep going. I'm sure some people think "well if she has no faith in me, then why bother trying?" or "if she doesn't think I can do it, maybe I can't - she's the 'professional'".

It's something that has been bugging me but never mind. I don't attend a meeting so it is literally maybe 30 seconds of my whole week. I just need to block it out and make sure her negativity doesn't influence me!

So being down a half means I only have a pound til I hit the 2 stone off mark. Wahey!

Moving onto some NSVs (Non Scale Victories) this week. I think I have finally dropped a dress size! I'm almost too scared to say it out loud as it has taken so long to happen but I think it finally has. Today after WI I went window shopping. Since I have the whole day to myself (I don't usually) I decided to take a wander round the shops and decided to try some stuff on. I saw a lovely lovely jacket in New Look (I didn't buy it, but I'm going to I think) and tried it on. At the beginning of the year when the bad weather hit, I went into NL to get a winter jacket and I either couldn't button up a size 20, or it was too tight on the upper arms (so would've been v uncomfortable with a jumper or layers on) or it looked dreadful. Well I took the size 20 of this one into the changing rooms, as well as a size 20 hoodie and they were both TOO BIG! Granted, they weren't falling off me, but they were definitely too big for me. I didn't try the next size down for two reasons - one I wasn't buying but two I didn't want my little "I've dropped a dress size" bubble burst! Hopefully by the time I go back to get the jacket (probably end of the month) then I should comfortably be in the 18. . This also means I will be able to shop in their "regular" store and not just in the "Inspire" (ie plus size) section, so more choice! Yay!

After that I went to Dorothy Perkins (my most favouritest shoppy in the whole widest wooorld!). My local store has been a pain recently. They used to stock loads of 20s, but recently have cut back on them. I saw lots of stuff I liked, but they only had 18s but decided to try them anyway - they all fit too. Now I've always sort of been a 18/20 in there so it's not a huge deal but I tried on this one top and I loved it. It's the first time in I-can't-remember-how-long that I've put something on a loved it. Normally I'll think "hmm, that's okay" or "that'll do". If I'm lucky I might "like" something, but I LOVED THIS. Loved it. So that was my window shopping over - I promptly trotted out to the counter and bought it - naughty me!

My final NSV this week is both a good and annoying one. About maybe 18 months to two years ago I changed shoe size from a 5 to a 6. This meant none of the shoes I had fitted and I had to buy new ones (I am not a shoe kinda gal. I have one work pair, one weekend paid and one going out pair). Well now the shoes I am wearing just now are really uncomfortable and I've realised why - it's because they're too big! I'm sore because I am tensing my feet in them to stop them sliding about. I tried on an old pair of size 5s and yep - they fit! Only problem is I didn't keep my old work or weekend shoes so now I need new ones! It's great things being too big but this could be an expensive experience haha!

So all in all it has been a very positive week for me. I tracked all week like I said I would, but didn't make the gym much again. That is what I am going to work on for next week, and hopefully shift this pound to get to my 2 stone mark!

Lost track of trackin'

One of the main things (if not the main thing) that will help you be successful on WW is tracking. Be accountable for everything you put in your mouth and even if you know you've gone over points, write it down so you can identify how much of a problem it's been (if a problem at all) and as a visual reminder not to do it again. The problem is this week (and the week before) I haven't been taking my own advice!

I track through the eTools on the WW website and last week there were problems with the site at the beginning of the week. I'd go in to add things and it either wouldn't update or it said it would update but then when I went back in the info hadn't saved. In the end, I gave up trying to add stuff. This is not an excuse! There is nothing to stop me writing it down in a book or even in one of my old trackers that I have in the house and haven't used. I lost a pound last week but I think that was more down to good luck than good planning!

The same theme has carried on into this week, but in all honesty, I've not even tried to track this week. And for the first time in my journey, I've not pointed stuff because I'm scared I've gone over and I've just simply wanted to eat something that I've felt was "not allowed" (note: WW is all about being able to eat what you want. NOTHING is off limits, so why this thought of "I'm not allowed" has suddenly appeared in my head, I don't know!). So this week I am not expecting a loss. I have only been to the gym once (again, not like me normally but it's been the same the last four weeks) so that won't have helped.

If I have put on or stayed the same, I will take it on the chin. I know I have no one to blame but myself and I know where I've went wrong. And as of tomorrow, I WILL BE TRACKING EVERYTHING!

I also think it's maybe time to set myself another mini-goal. I've sort of been plodding along the last wee while, and I don't think this has helped.

** EDIT: Since posting this, I thought "why wait until tomorrow to start pointing?", so I have entered the 7.5 points I've had to eat today and will do the rest once I've eaten it.

WI & Setting Goal

So I had my WI today. 1lb off. Happy with that. 25.5lb off in total - 1 stone 11.5lbs, 2.5lbs til I reach 2 stone (and I should have 2 Silver 7 stickers to collect since I've still not got my last one!).

I've been thinking more and more about setting my goal recently, but don't know if it's still too early in my journey to do this. It's been so long since I've been a normal healthy weight, I'm not really sure what it should be anymore. The WW book said I should be between 7st 6lb (104lb - 98.5lb lighter than my starting weight) and 9st 6lb (132lb - 70.5lb lighter than my starting weight). Both just seem so far off just now, but the lower one just seems down right impossible! I will definitely put some thought into it.

One thing that surprised me today (and didn't really upset me but just surprised me) was I was out with my boyfriend for lunch and I was showing him my weigh in card. Normally he has been very supportive, full of congratulations whenever I lose and complimenting me on my figure changing (from the back. He is fully honest about the fact my huge gut hasn't shrunk at all) but when the waiter came over to take our order he said "Oh for god sakes will you put that away!" and got all flustered and embarrased. If you know what the WI cards look like, it's very unlikely someone who's unfamiliar with WW would even know what it was. So I guess it's all good his fat burd is loosing weight but not so much that people know how I'm doing it.

Hmmm...

People hear what they want

One thing that people who know I'm doing WW constantly ask me is "are you feeling better for it?", or even insist "oh you MUST feel better for it" which I'll be honest - I don't. I don't feel any different to what I did on 10th May when I joined. I don't feel slimmer, I don't feel beautiful, I don't feel healthy. I don't feel different at all. At first I questioned it. If everyone thinks I should feel better, then maybe I should? But now I've come to the conclusion that maybe I didn't feel that bad in the first place. And maybe people think that because you're fat (or indeed because they are fat) you will automatically feel super/amazing/great/fan-fuckin'-tasic coz you drop a few pounds.

Rant over :)

A first for me...

Today I am feeling pretty down about the whole WW thing. I'm not even thinking about giving up, but this is the first time I've felt like this. I'm not fed up with the plan, what I am fed up with is that I feel like I've been working really hard on this. I've been sticking to plan, I've been exercising anf going to the gym. I've made a point of not putting myself in situations where I'll be tempted to go off the rails and when I've been in social situations where I can't control what is served, I've made smart choices and what to and not to eat. Yet I'm feeling - where's the progress? I've lost 24.5lbs. That's 1 stone 10.5 lbs but I don't see it. I don't feel it. I just went to the shops and picked up a load of stuff to try on. Some in my normal size (UK size 20) which I was when I joined WW and a couple in an 18 as I can away with that sometimes. None of the 18s fitted. None of them. So how much freaking weight do I have to lose to drop a dress size?! It doesn't help that yesterday (when I actually didn'y feel like this) I went WAY over points so I'll spend the whole bloody week clawing them back. I'm not in a happy space today and hope that this will pass soon!

Friday Night Thoughts I...

So here we are, back to the night before weigh in. I've done quite well this week. Gym three times (could've been four, but I missed it tonight) and haven't gone over points at all. I had a thought tonight though...although I am not struggling with the plan itself, I've noticed that I've sort of lost my love for food. At this stage, I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing. I mean, I have my dinner and look forward to it, but I never come away thinking "wow, I really enjoyed that!". It's just a process now. Hungry? Eat. Full? Stop. There's no temptation to stuff my face like before, but no enjoyment either. I don't even think it's down to the food I eat. Tonight I thought about all the things I like - mexican food, huge plates of pasta, curries, kebabs. None of it was appetising. Although I suppose it's good that that temptation to overeat it gone (for now), I have to admit I liked liking food. It was a social thing, a reward, fun. Maybe that's why I ate too much in the first place. It's something to think about...

I am also considering starting to measure myself now. I am starting to slightly notice my body changing, but in all honesty, it's not changing as quickly as I'd thought. Maybe if I can see the inches coming off (rather than just the pounds), it will seem more real to me. Although I'm scared of two things with this, one - that I am actually NOT losing inches and it will discourage me (I think this is unlikely) or two - that it will 'tempt fate' (I'm not superstitious but have some stupid quirks with things like this) and that it will undo all the good work I've done and I'll put it all back on. I'm just not sure right now.

The scores on the doors

Today was my first weigh in since last Thursday, which I didn't blog about as it wasn't very exciting.

Last week I couldn't make my normal Saturday weigh in, so had to attend another class on the Thursday evening instead. I was quite worried as it meant a) weighing in 2 days ahead of schedule and b) having to weigh in in the evening after having eaten breakfast and lunch (I normally don't eat before a weigh in, and have no idea if this actually does help, although in my mind it does). I went to the other class. Queued for half an hour to get weighed, and lost 0.5lb. A loss is still a loss and indeed I am happy with any loss, but the class was just a nightmare. Urgh. So busy and noisy and it was in a rough social club which stank of a mixture of stale booze and piss. Enough to put anyone off their food!

So today was my first proper weigh in in a fortnight, and I lost 2.5lb, yay! I was especially pleased as I've not made it to the gym much this week and I totally effed up my points one day!

I hit my 10% mark 3 weeks ago, but hadn't received anything for it, so I asked today and I got my keyring. I've not decided if I'm going to use it or keep it. But I didn't notice until I left that I should've had another silver 7 sticker as I've now hit 23lbs off. I'll mention that next week when I go to.

I'm now down to 12st 11.5lb and this means I'll drop another point off my daily allowance. I'm down to 20. I struggled with the drop the last time, don't know why - it's one freakin' point! - but I did, so hopefully it won't be so bad this time as I am generally not maxing my points out as much as before.

One thing I am definitely trying to cut back on this week is coffee. I buy 2 lattes a day and have 1 sugar in each. I am pointing them at 2 points per cup but it might be more. They're pretty big cups and they're make with semi skimmed milk. I might try to cut back to one a day and then hopefully none! I've tried to think of alternatives but can't. It's not even for the caffeine, it's the milk! Mad.

Anyhoo, 20 points this week...let's see how I get on!

PS - 23lbs down and I've still not dropped a dress size :( although I guess it gives me more time to save up for new stuff.

The most inspiring Weight Watcher I've found!

Is the amazing Ms Bitchcakes!
http://msbitchcakes.blogspot.com/2010/07/day-i-reached-goal-weight.html

Weigh in tonight

This week I am weighing in early, as I can't make my normal weigh in on Sat. I wonder how this will work. I never weigh myself at home (I feel like I am the only person that does this, but I have no interest in the day to day number!) so don't know what my weight fluctuations are midweek. This will be interesting for me!

Considering...

...setting up a new Flickr account and taking pics of my food every day as a sort of visual record and reminder of what I've had. Hmm.

Meh.

Not much to say...weight stayed the same.

Tomorrow, tomorrow

I weigh in, tomorrow. You're only a day away....

I'm really not sure how I am going to get on at weigh in tomorrow. I've been bad this week - I've barely tracked (have tried to keep note of my points in my head), and in truth I know I've gone over by a few points most days. For some reason I've found it really hard this week. I've not been feeling great and most days I've woken up feeling sick, skipped breakfast and just had coffee. Stuck to my normal lunch, but then overcompensated at dinner. Probably all the bloody food lying in my stomach overnight is what's making me feel icky in the morning!

So I guess I'll just need to see how I get on. 23 hours and counting...

Ugh

I don't know why but I am really struggling this week. The last time I felt like this was about 5 weeks ago and I had a nightmare of a week trying to find things to satisfy my cravings that were within points. The problem is I can't remember which week it was so I can't even look back in my tracker to see what I did eat! I was definitely over points on Saturday and Sunday (Saturdays not an issue as I never point or track on a Sat) but I am pretty sure I was over yesterday and today as well and I can't face chasing. Normally I go to the gym quite a bit but I only managed once last week and the week before and this week I went tonight and had to leave after 15 mins as I almost was sick and passed out. I've no idea why I feel so crap and then want to eat everything (no, I'm not pregnant!). Ugh. Hoepfully this will pass tomorrow.

Struggling today

I really want to eat stodgy, fatty, calorific carb laden food today but I can't! Not sure what to have for dinner. I only have 8 points left, which is 2-2.5 than I normally have for dinner. Grr!

Duh duh duuuuun!

So, I had 3.5lb to lose to hit my 10% off, and I hoped to do it over two weeks. Some off this week, some off next. I stood on the scales yesterday morning and had to rub my eyes - 13st 0.5lbs - that's the 3.5lb I had to drop to hit 10%!!!!!

I actually can't believe it and have no idea how it happened. I didn't do anything special this week. In fact, I did less than I normally do - I only managed to hit the gym once, and that was for my toning class which in all honesty is not the most punishing of classes. I didn't walk as much as normal. I didn't save any more points that normal. I even ate out and went to the pictures and had a treat!

So I guess I have 0.5lb to drop and then I'll be down to 20 points a day....eeeek! I hate dropping points. I know its only like one point but I found it really hard last time and I think it's more psychological than anything. I also am now worried that I'll do everything I'm meant to this week and put on. But that's me - I'm just a worrier! We'll see how the week ahead goes....

xo

Weigh in tomorrow & ticker

So I get weighed in tomorrow and for some reason I am feeling quite nervous. I had quite a good weight loss last week, dropped 2lbs, even though I wasn't the best last week due to travel / stuff beyond my control / stuff well in my control that I didn't control. Although I've stuck to it this week - stayed within my points, even managing to save some (even when eating out - thank god for restaurants that publish their NVs so I can check it out beforehand!), I still feel like it's not going to be a loss this week.

Although I know this happens sometimes, I'm not sure how I'll deal with it when it does happen. I guess we'll find out in 25 hours...

Oh and I've added a little ticker thing to the top of my page. I've put the target at 150lbs. I've not set a goal weight yet (not even thought about it!) so I just popped that in there just now. It seemed like a doable number, even though I've not worked out how many stones that is yet haha :)

Today was the day!

Yes. Today it happened. Well, technically it was yesterday, but I was sure of it today. Today I put on my trousers for work, and they were too big! They are literally at the point where whenever I walk I need to basically pull them up all the time, which looks awful, but kinda makes me happy at the same time! This is the first time an item of clothing has felt too big for me, and I'm quite excited. Even more excited about the fact that soon I'll be able to buy some new clothes, in a size smaller! Woohoo!

Progress so far

Okay, so I signed up for WW on 10th May, and I weighed in at 14 stone 6.5lbs (202.5lbs). Here is how I've weighed in since. It's all in stones and pounds. If you don't know, there is 14 pounds to a stone.

15/05 = -4lbs
22/05 = -3.5lbs (7.5lbs in total) *** Silver 7 star award ***
28/05 = +1lb (6.5lbs in total)
05/06 = -2.5lbs (9lbs in total)
12/06 = -2.5lbs (11.5lbs in total) *** 5% of original weight lost ***
19/06 = -2lbs (13.5lbs in total)
26/06 = -1.5lbs (15lbs in total) *** 2nd Silver 7 award ***
03/07 = + 0.5lb (14.5lbs in total)
10/07 = - 2lbs (16.5lbs in total)

I am currently 3.5lbs away from my 10% award. Both times I put weight on is when I've gone out for dinner either on the Thursday or Friday before weigh in (I WI on a Saturday morning). Even though I normally have quite a lot of points saved, eating a lot this close to weigh in obviously doesn't work for me, so I know in future not to do it again.

I expected to put on this week and was delighted not to have done. I was at a conference at work and we had what they billed as a BBQ in the evening, it wasn't so - it was food they fried and served outdoors. I had planned ahead to have salad and BBQ'd chicken, but when it came to it I ended up having a burger and a roll on sausage - the salad items were drenched in oils and dressing (I'm not a salad fan but HATE dressings of any kind so I wouldn't have touched them even if not on WW), and there was no chicken. I did have an exceedingly naughty dessert - a chocolate orange pot, but I stopped myself half way through. I then had a McDonalds for lunch the following day but ended up not having any dinner because I was so tired, so I guess it evened out.

Even though I've lost what in my opinion is a good amount of weight, I haven't noticed it on myself yet. My clothes aren't any looser and I still feel fat and bloated most days. I'm not too worried about that part though because I know if I stick to this, then the inch loss will come too.

Anyhoo, I just thought I'd get this out there and hopefully keep at it.

202.5 to...?

So I guess this is a little intro post. I've just started this blog as I am doing Weight Watchers and want to track my progress. I still feel like I am new to the whole thing, but I'm not really as I've been doing it for over 2 months now.

I started off at 202.5lbs (14 stone 6.5lb) and am down to 188lbs (13 stone 4lbs). I've not set a goal weight or anything yet, just concentrating on getting my 10% Award when I lose another 4lb.

This blog is really for myself, to track my progress and be able to look back on where things have gone wrong and right. I was going to make it private, but I find inspiration and tips in other weight loss blogs so decided to keep it public in case anyone stumbles across it and finds it useful.

I'll go back and get all my losses etc so far and hopefully post pretty regularly.

TTFN.